We are not all exactly alike, are we? We have differing temperaments, histories, wounds, personalities and perspectives. Yet, we have some commonalities. It is not unusual for a devoted follower of Jesus to be conflicted. Many of us find this very confusing, as if the Christian life promises something other than this.
We need to remind ourselves that we are living in an actual war zone. That is not a metaphor. We are in a battle. Just because our enemies are invisible doesn't mean they aren't real. There are spiritual forces that are assigned to tempt, disrupt, harass and torment us. We are also conflicted because there is a part of us that wars against the work of the Holy Spirit within us. Paul describes this internal conflict in Galatians 5. Add to this, that we live in a world whose value system undermines devotion to Christ and you can see that it should come as no surprise that we actually feel buffeted. The New Testament refers to Lot as a righteous man who was greatly troubled by the conduct of the people of his culture. Various translations use words like, "distressed," "vexed," and "oppressed" to describe how he felt. Life for Lot was no picnic (see 2 Peter 2:7).
Some Christians assume that there is a "place" in their development where they will no longer feel troubled. Well, in a sense they are right. That place is called heaven! Until we get there, we will be conflicted.
I've found that I can have brief periods of respite when I am less afflicted by the things I've described, but I have not found an experience that allows me to be entirely free of them. My normal life looks like this: I ache to be content with what I have and I'd like to be rich. I want to love to be unknown and I want recognition and credit. I want to forgive and I want to retaliate. On and on it goes. I have also learned that being conflicted is not the same as giving consent to temptation. Being victorious means continuing to press into God when all of the allurements of the world, the flesh and the devil distract you. This steadfast pursuit of God is sustained by the Holy Spirit as He transmits His strength to us through our daily time with God and full participation in a healthy faith community.
Don't let being conflicted get you down. You are not unusual. Rejoice knowing that this reality is but "a light and momentary affliction" (2 Corinthians 4:17). A day is coming when our restfulness will be eternal, when our joy will be complete, when every sickness is fully healed and every foe is vanquished. In times of distress, look ahead to that day and celebrate!