I was in my third floor dorm room. It was a sunny fall day. A future with hope, with the experience of His presence, seemed like an impossibility. I didn't want to live. I climbed up onto the ledge of my window, standing outside and looked down. I didn't see another option. Then, I heard a voice say, "John 15:2." That's all. Just that reference. I thought I should look it up, so I got down off that ledge and re-entered my room. I found my Bible and read,
"He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he
prunes to make it bear more fruit."
Then I heard this voice clearly say, "You've been bearing fruit, Kevin. I am pruning you of your dependence on your feelings of my presence so that you can learn to walk by faith..." Immediately, I knew that God was behind what I was experiencing. I saw a purpose in my pain. It gave me hope.
At that precise point, God used knowledge of what was going on (pruning) to keep me from doing harm to myself. That small piece of information, expressed in John 15:2, was a game-changer. Sometimes, knowledge is what we need. And, sometimes it isn't.
What do you do when God is entirely silent? That's very hard. I hope that at the very least, you do not travel this way alone. Ask your faith community to help you find your way. Continue to meet with God- even when, especially when, He seems absent. He is calling you into the school of faith. He's removing every hint of the kind of knowledge you have come to rely on so that He alone sustains you. This is very difficult and it is not accidental. If you let Him do what He longs to do in you and do not turn aside to counterfeit comforts, you will eventually find yourself propelled forward to levels of spiritual health, vitality and intimacy with God that you could not otherwise have experienced.
Appreciate knowledge when you have it, but when you don't consider yourself blessed. You are being drawn to a new life of faith.