Ruthless Honesty
By Kevin "Mac" McClure
One of the most difficult challenges of my Christian life is being completely honest. Do you find this shocking?
I don't intend to convey that I tell lies; just that I'm not always forthcoming about the truth. People who know me well would find that hard to believe. I'm called "disarmingly honest," "transparent," and direct.
I'm not deliberately deceptive, so you might wonder, "What on earth are you talking about?"
I find that I vacillate between full disclosure with confidants (I don't recommend this with just anyone) and living in denial. I am beginning to realize that before I lie by omission to you, I lie to me, telling myself things are better than they are. At one moment I will have tremendous self-awareness and will "out" myself to a friend about something I'm struggling with. At other times, my self-awareness is very dull. It's not until I can place myself in a posture of reflection that I see something of the dynamics of what I'm doing.
I grew up in a tough-guy culture where I learned never to admit to being intimidated, wanting to be fearless. I did many reckless and dangerous things to prove it. When I feel intimidated as a Christian, I'm not immediately aware that that is what is rearing its head. After all, I don't want to see it in me. When I become aware of it, I don't want anyone to know. I feel "naked" and ashamed. Yet, I've found great freedom when I finally am able to own it.
Do you relate to any of this? I am calling this E-pistle "Ruthless Honesty." If we are going to experience true freedom, we must be ruthlessly honest, first with ourselves and then with those safe people we can trust with our struggle. However, we will never be able to have this kind of honesty if we do not have keen self-awareness. Ask God the Holy Spirit to help you not live in denial, but to see what you need to see and, ask Him for the courage to disclose it to a trusted friend. This is an essential step to freedom in Christ.